Facing social stigmas and discriminations, Resilience fights for her recovery against all odds. Walk with Resilience in her fearless honesty and determination to live a normal life.
I wanted to tell her how much I was suffering but I didn't know how.
I never wanted to cause harm to anybody.
I felt very vulnerable. This mental health issue can be used against me.
Only those who are mentally weak get mentally ill.
Mental health conditions are caused by many factors that have nothing to do with one’s mental strength or resilience.
People with mental illness are unpredictable and violent, and should be kept away from the community.
Many persons living with mental health conditions are functioning and productive members of the community who pose no danger or risk to us.
People don’t recover from mental illness.
Mental health conditions are treatable. Individuals can and do recover from mental health conditions and are capable of leading productive and meaningful lives.
There is nothing I can do to help someone with a mental health condition.
Family and friends can play a very important role in a person’s recovery from a mental health condition.
Mental health conditions do not affect young people.
Most people with mental health conditions had experienced the onset of symptoms during adolescence or early adulthood.
People who talk about suicide would not really do it.
Almost everyone who attempts suicide has given some warning signs.
Mental health issues affect all of us at some point in our lives. Let's put the myths aside.
Mental health conditions do not discriminate and can affect people from all walks of life, regardless of age, gender, race or background. Instead of perpetuating stigma and shame, let’s build a community of kindness and hope.
Just allow people to be vulnerable when needed.
That's the greatest support you can give to anyone.
What strategies were helpful in the past?
Recall what strategies had worked for you previously and see whether you could utilise them.
Focus on self-care.
Become aware of what you need right now to care for yourself and attend to these needs with gentleness.
Be physically active.
Doing physical exercises releases endorphins and other neuro-chemicals that help to enhance our mood.
Reach out for support.
Talk to family and friends who are supportive so that they are aware of your struggles and can be there for you.
Seek professional help.
Seek help from mental health services if needed, such as from a counsellor, psychologist and/or psychiatrist.
Recognise how far you’ve come in your recovery journey.
Acknowledge the recovery that you have made and that you would be able to manage it again.
The journey of recovery from a mental health condition is often not straightforward. If you had struggled with a mental health episode before, fearing a relapse is understandable, especially when you start to experience similar symptoms again. Know that recovery is possible. Know that help is available.
We still hope to function or prove to be useful to the society. We are fighting very hard, to still be involved, to still function.
When it gets very bad, there's no way out.
But there's also another voice still fighting to survive.
•Let the person say as much or as little as needed
•Listen to understand and reflect back what the person says
•Empathise and see things from the person’s perspective
•Show care and support openly
•Offer to help look for helping resources in the community
•Don’t judge or criticise
•Don’t minimise or discount the person’s experience
•Don’t offer overly-simplistic advice or solutions
All of us can play an important role in supporting persons with mental health challenges, whether they are a family member, friend or colleague. Sharing about one’s mental health struggles takes courage and trust. Let the person lead the conversation. We may be the first one to hear the person’s story.
Taking the first step to seek help might be difficult. Help is available when you do.
Shan You Counselling Centre
Address: Block 5, Upper Boon Keng Road, #02-15, Singapore 380005
Phone: 6741 9293 (Mon, Wed – Friday, 9am – 6pm & Tue, 12pm – 9pm) excludingPH
Email: counselling@shanyou.org.sg
Provide counselling services to all in the community regardless of race and religion.
Institute of Mental Health 24-hour Emergency Services (Walk-in)
Address: 10 Buangkok View, Buangkok Green Medical Park, Singapore 539747
Provide urgent assessment and treatment for those who experience acute difficulties in their mental health.
Institute of Mental Health Helpline
6389 2222 (24 hours)
Provide support for those in mental health distress and/or seeking medical help.
Samaritans of Singapore Hotline
1800 221 4444 (24 hours) / 1767 (24 hours)
Provide emotional support for individuals having difficulty coping during a crisis, thinking of suicide and/or affected by suicide.
TOUCHline by Touch Youth Services
1800 377 2252 (Mon – Fri, 9am – 6pm)
A helpline for youth-related issues, including cyber wellness.
Care Corner Counselling Centre Hotline (Mandarin)
1800 353 5800 (Daily, 10am – 10pm) excludingPH
Provide counselling in Mandarin for individuals and families.
National Care Hotline
1800 202 6868 (Daily, 8am – 12am)
Provide emotional support for individuals whose lives have been disrupted by the COVID-19 outbreak.
Note: Information is correct at the time of printing but may be subject to change.
Part 1 - Abandonment
( Children playing )
I was unwell since six years old, my main caregiver was my grandfather,
he suddenly passed away.
I was very close to him, more than my parents. I was unable to process it.
It felt like, oh did he leave me because I did something wrong?
Anyone will abandon me at anytime, maybe if I do something wrong. Or not to their expectations.
( School bell. Intense drone )
I got bullied in primary school, then sec 1 it got worse.
I was already struggling and breaking down, a lot of screaming, shouting and self-harming.
( Door opens, closes )
I remember after a tuition session, I couldn't do the homework.
Then my mother said -
Mother : You know your teacher told me you are not doing homework.
Why are you telling me this again when I'm struggling so much?
I really wanted her to shut up because I’ve been listening to that ever since I was young,
on the loop actually, everyday.
I actually tried to strangle my mom.
That was when my parents brought me to IMH.
( Sombre music )
I wanted to tell her how much I was suffering but I didn't know how.
I never wanted to cause harm to anybody.
I also got into a physical fight with my sister one year later.
Because she saw my unhappy reaction, shook her head and said, oh BPD!
Borderline Personality Disorder.
It's very hurtful.
If it’s other people, it’s still okay but coming from a family member is another thing..
She knows my whole process since young.
Even people closer to you, use it against you, to hurt you.
( Sombre music ends )
Part 2 - Penalized for my honesty
( Office ambience )
( Light music )
We still want to lead normal lives.
I don't need them to like, wah, give care and concern.
Just see me going to IMH, just like how I go to SGH.
IMH is also a hospital, right? It's just another medical appointment.
You can just treat it normally, like, Oh she go to IMH, oh ok.
We are always very afraid
The moment, this word “IMH” comes out, what if people start doubting your abilities?
( Knocking on door )
( Door opens )
( Light music )
I actually signed up for a scholarship, I passed the first interview.
The second interview was for my medical health check.
BecauseI I declared that I was taking antidepressants.
Then they withdrew my scholarship.
My parents wrote to them, we want to know why?
Her medical tests, physically, nothing was wrong.
She passed very well for her first interview!
( Door slams )
They couldn't give a reason because I think they were also scared that it will backfire.
They actually offered to compensate, but we didn't take it up.
Even the government institutions, when they say, oh don’t discriminate,
but I was penalized for my honesty.
It's not like I'm not seeking treatment. I am finding ways.
If my ability got problem, they would have rejected me in the first interview.
( Door slams. Intense drone )
I felt very vulnerable. This mental health issue can be used against me.
And now they have a record. I become very suspicious of a lot of things.
So next time, should I declare again? I really don't know.
Or maybe don’t declare fully.
So I only say…anxiety? That is less stigmatized, I feel.
Right now i'm teaching tuition.
I really enjoy helping kids, especially learning Chinese.
If I really want to teach, I'll go early childhood, maybe even private organizations.
But, I also don't know whether they have a record.
If they have my previous record. I don't think they will accept me, to be honest.
My mom being a teacher, she knows the chances of it might be much slimmer.
Is there any way that I can….. get rid of that record? It's very sad.
( Intense drone ends )
Part 3 - It’s ok to cry
( Office ambience )
We really need to normalize breaking down or crying.
It's okay to cry. Even for guys.
People still see it as a form of weakness, I think that's a problem.
Sometimes when things are too hard in the workplace…
let’s say your colleague breaks down, let her break down.
you don't need to be like eh, hold it together!
Why you like that? Why you so weak?
Just be neutral, give them space.
When a person is very happy. You won't say, eh! you cannot be happy, cannot be strong.
Crying or being weak, it’s the same as confident or strong.
They are all emotions.
Just allow people to be vulnerable when needed.
That's the greatest support you can give to anyone, not only to mental health,
even to someone who is disabled.
( Ethereal music. Children playing )
If I am a teacher, I will also tell my students that ~
“hey you know, It's okay. you want to cry? Go ahead. It's not something you have to hide.”
( Ethereal music ends )
Part 4 - The social stigma
( Office ambience )
When I was hospitalized, people asked things like……
Others : Wah! then you got meet people who are crazy all day?
They have to be tied to bed all the time?
( Light music )
I know they don't mean it because they are just unaware..
The general lack of understanding can be quite appalling. Like, random comments.
“Oh my God. I'm so depressed now, must be suffering from depression.
Or like, Eh you a bit crazy right now. You need to go IMH or not? ”
People just treat it like a joke.
( Radio tuning )
It’s also not helping when the news keep saying the person attacks somebody
because of long-term mental health issues, but they never say a lot of details..
In television shows, they always portray us like, we will commit crimes,
which is quite irritating.
We are no different from people suffering from diabetes or cancer.
You won't see them and say, oh, they will commit crime.
( Mrt ambience )
We still hope to function or prove to be useful to the society.
We are fighting very hard, to still be involved, to still function.
Maybe you all don't see it.
( Ethereal music )
It's a bit like a cancer patient, sometimes,
maybe they just need someone to hold them when in pain.
Or give them water when they need.
I think it's same with us.
Don't need to see us as something so scary.
( Ethereal music ends )
Part 5 - Dying to live
That voice at the back of your head, keeps on repeating like a broken record.
When it gets very bad, there's no way out.
But there's also another voice still fighting to survive.
( Hopeful music )
It's really an achievement because you didn't give in to that suicidal voice.
It's really a miracle a lot of times. I can only go day by day now.
In a way, it’s kind of funny right?
I never die by suicide but in a way, I still have so many years that's lost.
My teenage years.
( Waves )
Even those have ended their lives or attempted, there's no point blaming them.
People always say, eh why they choose the easy way out?
I’m very sure they really tried their best already.
You never know how long they hold on. Maybe they really just reach their limit.
Maybe, same as how you will treat someone that died by cancer.
It’s kind of the same thing.
They also died from an illness that they couldn’t fight.
The more stigma, the more we are harming the ones living.
They already lost someone by suicide, they are also struggling.
And they still have to face stigma.
Maybe sometimes, people just need help and don't really want to die.
Death is always the last resort.
They just don't know how to take the pain away.
( Hopeful music ends. Waves fade )
© COPYRIGHT by Shan You, 2021. No part of the content and materials available through Ycare: Walking in Their Shoes may be published, copied, photocopied, reproduced, translated or reduced, in whole or in part in any form, without the prior written permission of Shan You.