‍ Part 1 - Her Reality 

( School bell. School ambience )

She was my secondary school friend.

She was generally quite open about her schizophrenia, depression, dyslexia 

and other physical ailments.

Since I was also struggling with my own issues then, I guess we found a lot in common.

( Door opens, closes )

( Night cricket. Intense drone )

We had a little group chat so she would tell us about these things. 

But not everyone knew about this. 

She would tell us that she felt mites under her skin, she needed to scratch them out. 

So she would just scratch until they left scars on her arms.

She felt there were voices or something, 

if she left the house,

she would get shot by someone. Why would you get shot? it didn’t make sense.      \

But to her it was very real. And she also believed someone's out to kill her.

So she would hide a knife under her pillow and sleep with it.

( Pensive music )

( Night cricket fades )

I didn't know what to do for her…

you want to say it's not real, it's gonna be okay. 

But it's also a part of her reality.

So how are you going to disprove that reality?

It was really tricky, really hard for us to respond appropriately.

I don't think, any of us were ready or well informed about her conditions.

We would gather all our information and send it to her mother. 

Sometimes she will overdose.

We just wanted her to be safe.

We felt helpless since we couldn't always be by her side.

So the best we could do is just inform her mother.

( Music ends ) 

Part 2 - We’re forgotten

( Birds chirping )

She wanted to be an artist, also a vet.

I also wanted those things. That's why I always felt like we were a team. 

She always talked about being an aviary vet.

She was closest to one very special bird.

When stressed, the bird has a tendency to pluck its own feathers, a bit like self-harming,  

So she was most bonded to this bird.

She was always very compassionate to everyone around her, not just to humans, also animals.

( Birds chirping fades )

( School bell )

Around sec 4, we took a year off from school. 

Yeah. Because of our mental health.

We both felt that the other friends and people in our lives were moving forward. 

But here we are, stuck in our struggles.

Others were moving forward and having fun without us. 

We are just forgotten.

( School bell. School ambience )

After a year’s leave of absence, we went back to school at the same time. 

But she didn't really come to school most of the time.

I think it's very easy to assume that she wasn't trying but she really was,

It was hard for her. She was very tired of struggling. 

She was hoping she’d get better someday.

There was this ward doctor who told her to just get used to her condition. 

Yeah, just get used to it.

( School bell )

( Pensive music )

Then I completed O levels, I was moving forward and she wasn't and that was a bit sad. 

she didn't manage to take the paper at all.

We were not as close as before because I started school at a private art institute. 

But we did say, that when we are free, we would meet up. 

Before we could do that, she unfortunately passed away.

That's also another regret that I have, not having the time to see her.

( Music ends )

Part 3 - No one saw it coming

( Light thunder, rain ) 

That morning, when I woke up, I had a message from her mom at 4.43 a.m.

( Phone message tone. Intense drone )

Mother : Anna, I need to inform you that E has gone to a better place. 

Her wake will be till Thursday. 

Can you inform the rest of her friends? Thanks.

It was so sudden, I was just stunned.

The first thing I could think of was, expressing condolences and getting the message out as soon as possible.

I didn't even see it coming.

I didn't even managed to process it until I actually went to her wake.

I saw her dead body and just couldn't stop crying for the next few days.

This is real. 

( Light thunder and rain )

( Pensive music )

When I found out how she died, the weight of it started coming down on me.

She died by suicide. it's just one morning out of nowhere.

I just didn't know how to process that feeling, that loss. 

She was 18 when she died.

No one saw it coming. Not even her parents.

They said that she looked fine, seemed happy, normal. 

She said she was going over to a friend's house.

She smiled, said bye and then the next thing, police knocking on their door. 

And, just gone.

( Music ends )

Part 4 - Where are you now

( Waves )

She mentioned that she was most afraid that no one would show up at her funeral. 

But contrary to that, a lot of people showed up.

Everyone misses you, you silly girl. You were so loved. And still are. 

She said…

 E : I don't know if anyone will care if i die. 

( Ethereal music starts )

We used to talk about our feelings of insignificance. 

Since when one dies, the world continues to move on.

I still dream about her from time to time.

My most vivid one, was her telling me that it's all a hoax, 

She set this up to see how people react at her funeral.

Yesterday, I dreamt of her again. 

I asked her when can I tell people this is all a hoax and you are still alive? 

But she walked on.

When I turned, I couldn't find her anywhere. 

So my question never really got answered.

( Music ends )

It’s my birthday tomorrow, and you’re not here.

Where are you now? Are you free? Free from all the worldly pain that you felt? 

I miss you.

My only regret was…I wasn't able to fully commit myself, 

to be there for her when she needed me.

I feel guilty…you should have done more, you should have been more present and there for her….but you feel so helpless.

Now that she's gone, it's not like this guilt or regret can do anything.

( Ethereal music )

I still wish she was still here.

But knowing how much she was suffering. I don't know if I can fully say that. 

I just hope she is in a better place.

( Music ends )

Part 5 - Please watch over me

( Traffic )

After she passed on, I just kept writing letters to her.

Anna : I promised your mum to live for you, so i plan to do my best. 

For you. I will try to be strong. 

I will try my best to make our dreams come true.

I've also made it a mission, to raise awareness, how serious mental health struggles can be. Whenever people talk about how they might have some suicidal ideation, 

they don't know where to turn to. 

I always try to guide them to government hospitals, or polyclinics, just to get treatment.

I don't know if that counts, but yeah, 

that's just pretty much what I've been doing, trying…yeah.

( Hopeful music )

I hope that no one will have to feel like…

they will be forgotten, the moment they die. Because, It's not true.

( Fire burning, crackling )

During the cremation, her dad said in a really quiet voice…..

Bye, E.

Two words. but it was a lot, those two words.

Your dad tried to stay strong and your mum wanted you to let go. 

Did you see them? Did you see how hard your grandma cried?

We were always together. But now I have to do it alone. 

How long will this last? Will it get better?

I will never have the chance to tell you, show you how much I love you.

( Fire burning fades )

( Birds chirping )

She really loved birds. A lot of times her bird just ride on her shoulder, like it won't fly away. Maybe, i kind of see myself watching on as the bird is free, she flies away.

Please watch over me, wherever you are.

( Birds chirping fades )

( Music ends )